Why do they say that?

The first time it hit me that I was different than those around me was when I started at Plainfield Elementary School. Riding the bus with other kids is definitely a social test that every child usually must pass. I sat in the front most of the time, and I don't remember much of the first year. But I do remember a boy, bigger and older than I was, asking me why my eyes were like this... and he put his two pointer fingers to the corner of his eyes and stretched them out. I don't remember what I might have said, if anything at all, I just remember that moment. I remember many moments that would come after that. I remember my first bully who had, and I am not making this up, the perfect bullying name, April Steele. She was a year older than me, I was in 3rd grade and she was in 4th. For 2 years I lived in fear of her and her friends. She was one stop after mine when they picked me up... and for the one minute that it would take for the bus to get to her stop, I lived in a slow motion scary movie.. where I am walking down the dark corridor with the bogeyman about to pop out at any moment. The doom feeling came each time before, and often times when the bus dropped me off. Finally, when I was in 5th grade and she had gone to a different school, I could have some peace. Unfortunately, she would not be my last bully.

I don't know if my mom knew at the time I was being bullied. But there was an incident when my bulliers were pressuring me to open my window after the bus driver clearly stated not to, but I did anyway since they were sitting right behind me. Of course, the bus driver saw me and as she pointed at me and told me to come up, I played dumb. Then she yelled back, "you, chinese girl" and I felt mortified. I walked up slowly with my head down, and when my mom picked me up, and after I told her what happened, she marched into the principals office and was more furious than I had ever seen her. Now, I don't blame the bus driver for her comment, and I don't blame the kids who bullied me because looking back, its too bad for them that all they saw was the outside of people. Afterward the incident, I kept thinking, why do people say what they say? Looking back of course its kids being kids and not knowing better, but as a child back then, I didn't understand why they wanted to say those things. I didn't feel different from them, so why me? Was I just an easy target?

I can't say that these were the last moments where it made me realize that I was different from those around me. There were times in high school and college parties where there was always that one person, that one idiot who had to call me out. Now, it doesn't affect me. Just recently actually, this past holiday I went to Codys, a local bar, and right when I walked in, there were these young guys who looked at me and one said "oh my asian" or something close to that. And when he saw me look at him and I could see he felt sheepish because he probably didn't realize he was talking in his drunk loud voice, I just smiled and walked right past him. I feel better about myself, as well as I had the one of the most important thing that really mattered to me. He doesn't see just my outside, but he sees me in my entirety, and the only label he puts on me, the only one that I actually care about in the end, is that I'm his.

I'll be posting pictures of me at the orphanage next time! Thanks for all your support! : )