Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Big Issue

Its 2010, I'm 26 years old, engaged to a wonderful man who I fell in love with when I was 18, and we both have settled into quite an affordable 2 bedroom townhome with our Siamese cat named Wallace. I have a good job, my fiance loves me, and our families are close by... but there is something missing. At first, I thought it was my career and perhaps I wasn't fulfilling my need for a more creative outlet, which being a finance coordinator for a tier 2 auto company doesn't exactly suffice. Then I thought perhaps it was my location on where we might settle. Was Michigan really where I wanted to be, or was home really the cliche of being anywhere you make it? After serious contemplation and a couple of glasses of my favorite red wine which was convienently on sale at Meijer, I figured out that it wasn't either of these things. What I feel that is missing from otherwise a perfect (and perfect in the sense of normal, in love with ups and downs here and there) life is the feeling of understanding where I once came from.
When I was a little bit older than 4, I was orphaned. I was told that my biological mother, who had Hepatitis B, and so being very sick, she took me to a big red brick building and left me there. I don't remember this or the following months that followed of my time at the orphanage. I just have pictures now of me standing against the wall with other kids, blending in with the boys since they had to cut our hair to prevent spreading of lice. I don't remember turning 5 and then being taken to an airport, getting on the plane, crying and arriving at the Detroit Wayne Airport. I feel that it is due to these events, that I have a piece missing of myself. I admit, it is a bit selfish to want to venture over the ocean and see where I spent 5 years of my life, see my culture and find people who look more like me. Yet, I want to make sure that I know myself clearly before making committments that I might not be able to live up to.
So, this leaves me here, and I am going to try and chronicle my journey in actually planning my journey to Seoul, South Korea. I hope I can do good on my promise to myself. I have to save money (which will be very hard due to my wedding coming up at the end of August), I have to make sure my Mom's health stays fair (she is currently going through problems with her lungs), and I want to make sure my fiance knows and is okay with this journey I am taking for myself. Hopefully, he will see it as a positive step, for me figuring out who I am as myself.
Updates to come!

2 comments:

  1. hi. i look forward to reading this. i can relate to what you say about a missing piece of yourself. had issues w/ this too

    -chantal

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  2. This is great Jess! I can't wait to see where it goes!

    <3 Jen Young Heymoss

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